Whod you bang
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
