Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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