You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
