You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
we made out on top of his cat.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
she told me i tasted like america
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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