Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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