Yo dont text me then not text me
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
