my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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