Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
