Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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