Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
