my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
