I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
