cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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