this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
