You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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