I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
