so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
