I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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