There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
