Tell her she can't have a vagina
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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