i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
