Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
