Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
