I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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