This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
