Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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