I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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