I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
