I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
