I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
