woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
