Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
