smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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