Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
