And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
