I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
