I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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