I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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