are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
