Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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