Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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