I wish I could teleport
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
