Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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