ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
