that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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