Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
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