it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
