Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
