Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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