Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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