i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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