It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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