I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
