The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
