Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
