Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
