she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
